Family mediation

Before you apply for a court order with respect to your child, you’ll usually have to attend a Family Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM), with a family mediator, to find out about mediation and see if mediators can help resolve your dispute — without involving big legal fees or going through a long drawn-out court battle.

Mediation works by helping people find practical solutions that feel fair.

Some people who can’t afford mediation can get it for free through the ‘Legal Aid’ scheme.

What happens at an MIAM

Bear in mind that court proceedings should only ever be considered as a last resort, when there are no other possible solutions to your dispute.

At the MIAM, a family mediator will consider with you (and the other party, if present) whether family mediation, or another form of non-court dispute resolution, is right for you — and could be a suitable alternative to going to court.  The mediator can also point you towards other help and support services if you need them.

When you have to attend an MIAM

It’s a legal requirement to attend an MIAM when you apply for —

• any order with respect to a child (or children) under section 8 of the Children Act 1989 (collectively known as “section 8 orders”), including —

  • a Child Arrangements Order (since 22^nd April 2014)
  • a Prohibited Steps Order
  • a Specific Issue Order
  • any order varying or discharging one of these (“section 8”) orders
• a Parental Responsibility Order (under sections 4(1)(c) , 4ZA(1)(c)  or 4A(1)(b)  of the Children Act 1989)
• an order terminating parental responsibility (under sections 4(2A) , 4ZA(5)  or 4A(3)  of that Act)
• an order appointing a child's guardian (under section 5(1)  of the Children Act 1989)
• an order terminating the appointment of a child’s guardian (under section 6(7)  of that Act)
• an order giving permission to change a child's surname or remove a child from the United Kingdom (under sections 13(1) or 14C of the Children Act 1989)
• a Special Guardianship Order 
• an order varying or discharging a Special Guardianship Order (under section 14D  of the Children Act 1989)

However you don’t need to attend an MIAM if you’re applying for —

• a “consent order” (an order in the terms applied for to which the respondent agrees)
• an order relating to a child (or children) in respect of whom there are ongoing emergency proceedings, care proceedings or supervision proceedings
• an order relating to a child (or children) who are the subject of an an Emergency Protection Order , a Care Order  or a Supervision Order 

So, for example —

• if you were applying for a Specific Issue Order, you’d normally need to attend an MIAM
• if you were applying for a Specific Issue Order but your child is already subject to a Care Order, then you wouldn’t need to attend an MIAM (unless you have an exemption)

Exemptions

You may be exempt from attending an MIAM if —

• there’s been domestic violence between you and the other parent / guardians — which includes any incident (or pattern of incidents) of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse (whether psychological, physical, sexual, financial or emotional)
• the child (or another child of the family) is subject to a child protection plan or child protection enquiries from the local authority
• the application is urgent (e.g. because of a risk of harm to anyone in the family, or to prevent the unlawful removal of the child from the U.K.)
• you’ve already attended an MIAM (relating to your dispute) in the last 4 months, or been granted an exemption from attending one
• you don’t have sufficient contact details for the other parent / guardians
• the other parent / guardians aren’t allowed to contact you (or you aren’t allowed to contact them), because of bail conditions, or because they (or you) are “on licence” with a prohibited contact requirement
• the other parent / guardians (or you) cannot attend, e.g. because they (or you) live outside England & Wales, or because they (or you) are in prison, or because of a disability
• there’s no authorised family mediator’s office within 15 miles of your home
• a child will be one of the parties to the court proceedings (according to rule 12.3  of the Family Procedure Rules )
• an authorised family mediator certifies that mediation isn’t suitable as a means of resolving your dispute, e.g. because the other parent / guardians won’t attend

If you have an exemption, you’ll need to declare it in —

• section 13, if you’re using form form C100 
• form FM1 , if you’re using form C1 

The benefits of family mediation

Family mediation is a good idea because —

• it gives you more say about what happens — in court a judge will make the decisions, whereas in mediation you and the other party make the decisions
• it’s less stressful and upsetting for both you and your children, with their being less conflict between you and the other parent / guardians — it can help find ways for everyone involved to get on better in the future
• it improves communication and helps you sort out your future
• agreements can be reviewed and changed if you both agree — e.g. if your situation changes, and as your children get older and have different needs
• it’s easier on your children when parents co-operate and helps them continue important family relationships
• it’s quicker, cheaper and provides a better way to sort out disagreements than long drawn-out court battles — helping you to get on with the rest of your life as quickly as possible

Family mediation works for most people.  At the MIAM the mediator will talk to you about whether mediation will work for you both and tell you about other options that could still avoid you having to go to court, for example collaborative law or solicitor negotiation.

What family mediators do

Family mediators are trained to work with people whose relationships have broken down.  They come from professional backgrounds, such as law and healthcare.

Mediators find solutions that both of you can agree on.  A mediator will ask questions to understand your situation.  Unlike going to court, you stay in control.  No-one can make you do anything against your wishes.  Discussions are confidential.

Some mediators are trained to include children in discussions but only if you, your ex-partner and the child agree.

Find a family mediator in your area 

What happens when you go to family mediation

After the MIAM, if you all agree to try mediation, you’ll need to attend mediation sessions (usually 1–2 hours each).  The length and number of sessions will depend on your situation.

The family mediator will listen to you and your ex-partner explain your concerns and views to each other and will help you both to reach an agreement. 

If you reach an agreement, the mediator will write it down in a ‘Memorandum of Understanding’ so everyone is clear about what’s been decided.

Agreements made in mediation can be made legally binding by a court if everyone agrees.  This is sometimes useful if arrangements are meant to run over a period of time, such as child maintenance payments, or if you want something a bit more formal to help you both stick to your agreement.  Some people going through mediation find it helpful to have legal support to advise them.  Legal Aid may be available to help pay for this.

If you come to an agreement, but the situation changes and you find the arrangements aren’t working, you can go back to the mediator.  If needed, you can agree to change your Memorandum of Understanding.

Paying for mediation, and Legal Aid

If you’re on a low income and able to get Legal Aid then the information meeting (the MIAM) and mediation sessions will be free.  You may also get financial help to pay for legal advice in connection with mediation if you feel you need it.

If one of you qualifies for Legal Aid but the other doesn’t, you will still both be able to have an information meeting and the first session of mediation for free.  Even if neither of you can claim Legal Aid, you may still save money by trying mediation first, rather than going straight to a lawyer.

See if you can get mediation for free with Legal Aid.  Use the online Legal Aid Checker  or call the Civil Legal Advice service on 0345 345 4345, Monday to Friday, 9.00 a.m. to 8.00 p.m., Saturday 9.00 a.m. to 12.30 p.m.